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  Steve Jobs: Bizarro nerdiverse underlord.

AUGUST/2011 – The world must have been flipped backwards. Left is right. Right is left. Up is down. Down is … you get the idea. The proof that we’re living in some sort of opposite-day-forever bizarro world is that Bill Gates is now the angelic high-priest philanthropist of the nerdiverse and Steve Jobs is the soul-sucking antichrist underlord.

Way back in the way back (the 1990s) I participated in my fair share of geek arguments, debating that Apple/Mac was the superior platform and that Microsoft/Windows was the grand-poobah of evil corporations. My reasoning can be boiled down to this: Microsoft was a successful corporate entity so they must have been evil, and by extension, Bill Gates was evil. Conversely, Apple was the underdog and I used Macs at work and school, so that made them superior. This superiority extended to Steve Jobs because he co-founded apple, even tho’ this was a time when he had left the company to do things/stuff – infuse Pixar with cash, start up a company or two, meet the devil at the crossroads, be mean, give the stink-eye to puppies and kitties, etc.

A couple decades later, the tides have turned, up is down, down is up, blah blah, blah. Bill Gates has used his vast resources to start the Bill Gates foundation with his wife. This foundation has given billions in aid and resources to needy nations across the word. Plus, he’s funding a group that is working on a toilet that efficiently turns poop into fertilizer. He probably also pets kitties and frolics with unicorns every chance he gets. And, Microsoft (no longer helmed by Gates) is no longer the monopolistic fiend it once was. As a company, it seems to truly want to make solid products for everyone (not just hipsters/wanabe hipsters/wanabe wanabe hipsters).

While Gates is making his mark in the word, Jobs is back as the (sunken) face of Apple. And boy, he sure seems like he’s become quite an ass. Remember when the iPhone 4 was found to have antenna problems and Jobs told people they were holding the phone wrong? That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Under Jobs, Apple has become a legal monolith, suing everyone and anyone within sight that looks like a competitor to their brand.

Among the piles of litigious shenanigans, Apple has sued Samsung because they say their phones look like an iPhone because they’re the same shape and have the earpiece and mic in the same paces. Good gawd. Really? Really? Phone companies have been making cell phones in that rectangular configuration for about a decade or so. Sure, the screen has gotten bigger and the phones are larger, but unless people start talking out of their butts and hearing out of their nose, there are only so many logical places to put the earpiece and mic.

Sadly, it’s easy for them to sue because they’ve patented everything in the universe (give or take a thing or two), not caring whether or not they were the first to come up with the idea nor whether the, ahem, idea should even be patented. (Patenting moving your finger across a touch screen is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s almost as daft as a politician trademarking her name [FU Sarah Palin]).

Now, before you start frothing at the mouth and yelling at your screen, “Apple is superior and all other companies are inferior/suck it,” keep in mind that I’m talking about business practices and humanitarian efforts and not (NOT) the alleged quality of a company’s products. I’ve owned both Apple’s products and products from their competitors and have to say overall that it comes down to preference ‘cause neither are perfect. (On a side note, if you call your product “magical”, it better make me shoot rainbows out of my buttocks. Of all the hyperbole in the word, that is the dumbest I’ve ever heard.)

But I digress.

Before I started frothing at the keyboard, I was trying to make the point that it’s amazing how much things have changed in the Apple vs. Microsoft debate. I also can’t believe that I’ve changed sides. Like I said, up is down, etc. etc. I should probably start learning how to write with my left hand, since everything is backwards these days.

-Caruso Deluxe

 
         
     

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