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  Post AD me.

AUGUST/2011 – I have a 4-month-old daughter. I have to type that again just to let it sink into my 36-year-old brain. I have a 4-month-old daughter.

If someone were to invent a time machine and for some bizarre reason my 16-year-old self were to commandeer it and visit me in the present, his jaw would probably fall slack and he’d throw his hands on his face like he was that snot-nosed punk from the Home Alone movies. Who am I kidding, my 16-year-old self would probably just shrug his shoulders and look at me with his best meh face.

There was a time in my 20s when a certain family member would ask me when I planned on procreating. With an exasperated gasp, my response was always, “Uh, I think I have to get a girlfriend first.” My ironic, indie-geek, hermit self (un-ironically) had trouble in this particular area of his life back in the day.

Now I’m married, own a home and have a 4-month-old daughter. I used to categorize my life in terms of BW (before wife) and AW (after wife) like I was an archeologist trying to chronicle some long lost civilization. Now, I have a new category: BD (before daughter) and AD (after daughter).

Now, before you start assuming that I’ve gone Al Bundy here and the categories somehow denote the times before and after my life crumbled, let me clarify something: I love my wife and I love my daughter. The categories are a way to keep track of periods in my life. If I don’t, then my brain goes wonky and I start remembering my wife at events she couldn’t have possibly attended. This is because it seems like my wife has always been around.

Now, if I hearken back to the days of yore to when I graduated from high school and I can’t remember whether or not my wife was at my graduation party, I know that I graduated high school in 1993, which is 13BW. There’s no way she was there. Brain tangle successfully detangled.

My daughter was born only 4 months ago (on my birthday!) and it already seems like she’s always been there. Like there has always been a car seat in my car, like there has always been a spit-up rag in my pocket and like changing diapers has always been a part of my routine. But that can’t be right.

So, now I have a new timeline : AD and BD. And when I think back to that time when my wife and spent a wonderful two weeks in Hawai’i, I know that was 1BD.

-Caruso Deluxe

 
         
     

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